You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
