ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
