4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
