He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
