it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
