Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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