I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
