Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
