i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I touched a dick in church today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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