Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
high people should be assigned attendants
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
