last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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