I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
