no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
