I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
