No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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