We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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