He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
