he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
only you would photoshop your dick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
