Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
