i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
