just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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