It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
