So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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