Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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