I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
