i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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