her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
