Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
