Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
