You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
