Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
