the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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