what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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