i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
