Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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