please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
