I'm going to jail i love you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
