look no pants
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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