God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
