moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
