Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
