So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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