I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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