clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The air was thick with penises
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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