i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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