i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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