Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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