I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
