you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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