Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
