Where is the hickey?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
