He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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