They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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