Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
