if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
