This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
