Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
