I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
