Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
do nipples grow back?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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