don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
