You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Shame is for Republicans.
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