The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
